So, Pipeline begins.  It met on Sundays around 5ish and was really fun.  I learned a lot and definitely experienced a good bit of personal growth.  There was another girl from my small group (we will call her Jessica) in Pipeline and since she didn't have a car, I offered to pick her up.  This action actually led to a small car pool, which in hindsight wasn't a very fair carpool because it was always me driving.  I lived off 13th and University and everyone else lived around Archer/34th.  The church was off 39th, so quite out of my way.  As I'm sitting here now, I realize not only was it not fair in regards to me always driving, but not one person ever offered to give me gas money.  I think maybe I was brainwashed because how else can you explain me doing all that driving?  I hate driving.  Like seriously.  Unless I am on a back country road, windows down, radio blaring,  with no one around, I find it to be completely stressful.  I hate how big trucks and semis come up behind me and act like they are going to run me over.  I hate how other drivers talk and text on their phones.  I hate people cutting me off and that if I drive at what I consider a reasonable distance from the car in front of me, I always get cut off.  I am also borderline terrified of getting on the interstate -- I am always convinced the cars are not going to let me over.  Know where this irrational fear of driving comes from? My mom.  She's currently visiting us for her birthday and had to take her car to the shop to have some work done.  When I picked her up, she started talking about all the traffic this morning and how a semi almost ran her over, and it became crystal clear I get this from my mom.  It's a good lesson that I can't share my fears with my kids (yes, I only have one now, but I have high hopes to one day have more).

In addition to my other driving-related idiosyncrasies, I also have some gender stereotypes in regards to driving.  I believe a guy should always do the driving, even if it means giving them my car keys.  The obvious jump here is that I must think men are better drivers; however, I don't think that's right?  I guess it could be.  I dunno.  I will have to give it some thought. Either way, I always think someone other than myself should be driving and when there's a man around he's the one who should be doing it.

Anyway, back on topic, as it turned out, S was one of the people in the carpool and the way it worked out he was the last one I would drop off (this was not intentional -- it just worked out because of the layout).  We begin growing closer from that. I don't know that anyone realized we were talking -- First Assembly doesn't support dating. In their eyes if you're interested in someone, you pray about it and tell your small group leaders. I thought that was a precaution to discourage sex, and while I found it odd, it seemed so small and meaningless. S and I actually discussed it at some point and I learned he didn't believe in dating at all -- he basically thought it was pointless. It's another thing in hindsight seems weird, but it was yet another thing I overlooked at the time. 

January flew by. Work-wise it was nice because after Christmas vacation I was able to see a huge amount of growth in all my kids. I also started getting compliments on how well behaved they were when they were in other places, such as art, music, library, etc. There were numerous four-day weeks due to MLK Day, teacher workdays, and things of the like, so before I knew it February approached. What is in February? Valentines Day. 

I've never been huge into the holiday. I am not anti-valentines day by any means, but I am also not the type of person to get upset if I don't have a date. However, many people are so to counter it, TJM hosted something called Expressive Love. It was kinda like a poetry reading wherein everyone was supposed to write a love story to God and read it. I thought it was a little strange and decided it was kinda silly to write a love story to God; however, since I was in Pipeline I felt like I had to participate. So, I started thinking about love, which inevitably led to I Corinthians 13 because let's face it -- there's a reason all weddings reference it. I then created my writing.  I actually still have it, so copied and pasted it:

 

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I was thinking about the term “expressive love” and at first thought I should express my love; however, I already know how I feel and how much I love the Lord.  That got me thinking about the fact that, at times, I don’t know how other people and ultimately God feel about me.  I can say things like “Oh, He loved me enough to die for me,” but sometimes I don’t recognize how he loves me.  In the process of all these thoughts, I kept going back to the verses most often associated with love – I Corinthians.  So, I look at what Paul wrote about love and how God demonstrates each of the many attributes individually.  Kind of like how before you complete a puzzle you have to look at each individual piece and then once you put them together you have the whole picture.

Love is Patient:  How often does God wait on me?  I’m ashamed to say the number is probably too high to count.  The crazy thing about it is that no matter how long it takes me to do something, he’s always there… patiently waiting. 

Love is Kind: Not only does he give us life, but he goes on to continually show us kindness.  He molded us, can count the number of hairs on our heads, loves us, and desires a relationship with us.  I think I John describes His kindness really well when it talks about the fact there is no fear in love.  Perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment.  I deserve to be punished, instead he shows me kindness.

Love does not envy: I’m not sure I even need to justify this – being envious is a sin and we all know God is perfect and without sin.

Love does not boast: While Jesus was living among us he was raising people from the dead, driving out demons, healing, etc.  Know what he wasn’t doing?  Boasting.

Love is not proud: Pride is something we all struggle with… expect God.  The irony is that we, as humans, really have nothing to be proud of, whereas God, the creator of the entire universe, has every reason to be. 

Love is not rude: We’re all sinners and deserve to be called out on it; however, throughout the bible we find inspiring scripture.  It’s truly remarkable.

Love is not self-serving: I think the greatest evidence that God isn’t self-seeking is found in the fact He came to earth as a man and proceeded to die for me.

Love is not easily angered: Nahum 3:1 tell us “The Lord is slow to anger.”   It’s crazy to think of all the times I’ve got angry over simple things, such as people cutting me off or a comment someone made.  However, all that stuff is insignificant to God and doesn’t anger him.

Love keeps no records of wrongs: As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our sins from us.

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.  For me, this is truly amazing.  Whenever I admit the truth to Him, regardless of how awful I think it is, He’s happy, comforts me, and gives me a peace nothing else can compare to.

Love always protects: II Timothy 4:18: “The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely into His heavenly kingdom.”  Enough said. 

Love always trusts: This is something I struggled with a lot: how could God trust me?  Then he showed me something remarkable – he is trusting us all with something very close to his heart: each other. 

Love always hopes: Although in our society we think of hope as wishful thinking, the biblical definition is closer to “confident expectations.”  God clearly hopes we will succeed otherwise he would not have given us the great commission.

Love always preserves: Psalm 119:40 says it all: “your promise preserves my life.”

Love never fails: Ultimately God is love and I’ve read Revelations so I know the ending to the story… and God doesn’t fail.

 

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I haven't read that in years.  Probably since I wrote it.  As I read it I realized I used to be a better writer than I am.  I also realized I used to be a better Christian.  Know the last time I read my Bible?  Yeah, me neither.  First Assembly really turned me off being a Christian.  I still know God exists and if I die I know where I am going, but it's different now.  I am definitely a different person, which will be easy to understand as I get closer to the climax of my story... which is likely the next post!

 

A few notes -- it amused me that I referenced driving earlier in this blog post and I also referenced it in my expressive love writing.  That shows how much I hate driving, I guess.