In which we learn the first weeks of school are hell

At our school kindergarten is set up in such a way that the boys come Monday, girls on Tuesday, and everyone starts Wednesday.  It's been so long that I honestly can't give an accurate description of those first days.  I've often heard it said that your first year is just about survival and that was definitely an excellent depiction of my first few days.  I will give a brief description of those events I vividly remember -- one girl showed up with the boys the first day and she also attended the second day.  She didn't have any behavior problems exactly; however, she liked to mimic the others.  So, on Monday I had a boy who thought it was a fun idea to throw furniture at me if he didn't get his way (of which the little girl would try to copy.  Luckily for me she was a lot smaller and not as strong) and on Tuesday a girl (Natasha) came.  She also had severe disabilities, but hers were the polar opposite of the boy.  Natasha spent the first hour in a ball crying under a desk (of which the aforementioned girl would copy).  On one hand I was so thankful to have a job, but honestly nothing prepared me for what it was going to be like.  Within a week my entire class knew how to go cuddle in the opposite corner I was in with the boy (we can call him Todd) who was having a fit.  One memory in particular was when he was throwing the chairs.  The principal is the one who came to help out and I felt so embarrassed at having to call her. It honestly made me feel like a failure.  What kind of teacher can't control her class?  I literally went home and cried every single day for the first six weeks.  No exaggeration.

Aside from the above three issues, the only other problem I ran into were parents.  I had one in particular who was horrible to me.  She was a single mom, spray tanned, and always wore crazy short shorts and shirts that showed off way too much skin.  She was very negative towards me at first and made me feel horrible.  She would often stand outside my door in the morning time and listen to me teacher.  Now such a thing wouldn't bother me -- I think I would walk out and invite her in.  However, being a new teacher coupled with such an audience terrified for.  I had no idea what to do with this mom. 

In addition to the kids and parents, I also had to teach the curriculum and there's always more than a few tests to administer to the kids those first few weeks.  This includes FAIR which is a test that has to be done one-on-one.  Another teacher told me she was putting on a movie and that I should use that time to test my kids.  I followed suit only to have the principal walk through and tell me that movies aren't OK for the kids to watch.  She also told me she was coming because one of my moms was running around town telling people I wasn't allowing the kids to get water when they were dehydrated.  I had no idea what she meant, so between that and the whole movie thing I was convinced I was going to be fired.  When I dropped my kids off at art that day I literally went back to my classroom, locked myself in my closet in the dark, and sobbed for the entire forty minute break.  I consider this my lowest moment. 

It all turned out OK -- I found out it was the mom from earlier and was able to go to my principal and explain the situation with the mom and what happened the day before -- right now I can't remember the details, but I recall the kids got water like normal and the girl didn't want water.  Since I had been having the power struggle with her mother, I specifically asked her if she wanted some, to which she said no; however, the minute we were working she announced she needed water.  I told her she was going to have to wait until after I finished instructions or something along those lines in five-year-old friendly language and continued.  She didn't ask for water again and I had forgotten about it until all of the questions had been raised about it.  Other kids asked for water and I let them go, so it wasn't like I was withholding it from her.

On the church side of things, I also joined a bible study the second week of school.  They met on Tuesdays and I loved it.  After the fourth week I showed up straight from work and basically just let out all my feelings regarding the above events and all the smaller things that I have since forgot about.  Everyone was so supportive and surrounded me in love and really lifted my spirits.  It was such a blessing to have people like that around me.  In hindsight it is so hard for me because I can barely believe that this same group of people are the ones who eventually told me I was a prostitute so many times, but actually "worse than a prostitute because I didn't get monetary gain for it", rebellious, deceitful, etc.  I started writing this blog so many moons ago with the hopes of gaining some sort of clarity and even now I don't understand how this loving group of people who helped me through my first few weeks of school later made me feel so horrible.  I guess that's something about human beings I'll never understand -- how we can have such compassion for others in one breath, yet be capable of such destruction with the next.